Being a parent of youth sports is hard!
I was recently honored to be invited on a podcast that I have admired for the past few years. They asked me what advice I would have for parents of youth athletes. To be honest, I knew it could be a question they would ask. And I thought a lot about the answer. And I still stumbled with my response. Why? Because it is hard to be a parent period. It is also hard to be a parent involved with youth sports. I have struggled with it for various reasons. Sometimes from a competitive standpoint because I really like to win. Sometimes from a mama bear standpoint because I want my kid to be treated okay. Sometimes from a friendship standpoint because it all gets a little messy at times. So, while I stumbled over my first response, I wanted to put out a second response that hopefully is a bit more articulate.
1. Relationships matter. They matter the most. A parent-child relationship is the single most important piece of a child’s long-term success. We matter as parents…which is why it can be so scary at times to navigate all of this! Our job as a parent is to teach, support, love, nurture, set limits, guide, discipline etc. What is often not in the job description…coaching. Youth sports is leading to quicker burnout, higher anxiety, and increased pressure. Our job as parents is to support our kids in managing all of this…not adding to it. I said on the podcast, and I will say this again…pushing your child constantly might seem to help in the moment with their success…but it might impact your long-term relationship in ways that you will regret. Find the balance. Err on the side of less is more. (Unless you are the parent and the coach…if so, find the boundary of when one starts and one ends).
2. Find a trusted partner or friend and vent all you want. It is okay to have big feelings…we tell our kids this all the time. What we do with those feelings matters. Talk through your struggles. Find solutions that allow you to be proud of yourself and support your child. And when you notice yourself wrapped up in ways that feel unhealthy, take a step back and talk to someone. It could be myself (always a zoom/phone session away!) or it could be a friend/partner/colleague. Our kids’ illicit big emotions in us as parents…it is how we are wired. We deserve support too!
3. Gain perspective. This is dang hard for me at times. I wish I could say that I always had the best attitude or was okay with the coaches’ decisions or loved to watch my child whether they did well or struggled. However, when we really look at the purpose behind why we put our kids in athletics…and why we spend a zillion dollars and all our precious free time carting them around…we are truly hoping it builds life skills, friendships, and positive health. Even if we hope that our child achieves at the top levels, we still can understand that when they are 10, our goals are different than when they are 20. Their dreams are not our dreams. Enjoy the moments. Grin and say “I love watching you play, even when it is hard” and ask yourself what will matter most in five years.
There are great resources out there but a few that have helped me are:
Hockey Thinktank Podcast and Blog: https://www.thehockeythinktank.com/blog
Changing the Game by John O’Sullivan: https://changingthegameproject.com/blog/
True Sport: https://truesport.org/wp-content/uploads/TSPocketGuide.pdf
We got this parents!
Kelli